LESSON THREE: MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL, WHO'S THE MOST ACCURATE REPRESENTATION OF MYSELF?

 In Lesson Two, we talked about ways our caregivers, and then our partners, are like mirrors, vividly showing us our flaws and fears.

 While we may have initially received messages about ourselves from our caregivers, we look to our partners to affirm, re-affirm or contest those messages, most of the time unknowingly.

 One of the many excellent reasons to "do the work" on yourself, is because if we're not incredibly aware of our own programming, our attachment style and how we look to others to either affirm or deny our inner messaging, then we pass it on to our partners, our children and essentially, the world.

 (While we don't go into different attachment styles in this course, you can find more information about attachment styles on the resources page.)

 I like to describe attachment styles to our caregivers like the inner homing device we have. We constantly (sometimes many times each day, especially as children) are flying off and away only to return to the caregiver to answer the questions, “am I okay?” “Am I good?” “Am I worthy of love?” “Am I loveable?”

As adults, we ask the same questions, searching for the same answers, but instead of our caregivers, or our Self, we look to our spouses for the answers. We forget the answers we seek about our Self and messages to affirm our security can truly come from within.

 Regardless of where you came from, the style of attachment you were raised with and the one you have to your partner and/or your children, your attachment style can be re-wired and re-written to be more healthy and secure.

 Instead of checking, scanning and doubting the messages we receive about goodness, worth and value, we need to work on changing our habits and taking a look at the ways our attachment style shows up for us.

 With all the messaging we’ve received (and continue to do so) how do we determine who we are, in our most authentic self? How do we determine if our reflection in the mirror is the most accurate depiction of who we are? The answer: we need to sift through and do some deep exploration into our identity.