It’s no coincidence that my therapy practice, Grow, is often described as “warm,” “comfortable,” and “not like a therapy practice.” This is the exact feeling I set out to cultivate when I imagined opening up a private practice for mental health in 2012. A space that felt like someone’s private living room, where they could sit with a cup of coffee or tea and feel comfortable opening up.

The idea of a separation and/or divorce crosses the minds of many who’ve lost the hopeful, dreamy visual of growing old watching the sunset together to the day-to-day mundane and, at times, resentful life of adulting and divide. These waters are murky and confusing and often keep you in a place of holding. If you’re finding yourself stuck here, you may get some clarity and direction.

Just last week you were SnapChatting and DM-ing each other like you’d been for months or even years. This week she won’t even look at you and you’re left feeling confused, frustrated, and so much more. Your head is spinning and you’re not getting any answers to the questions swirling in your mind. “What happened?” “Why is she acting this way?” And the worst, “What did I do?”

“Vulnerability” and “authenticity” have officially become buzzwords. Yet just because they’re popular doesn’t mean they’re showing up in your relationship automatically. Here are 10 ways to tell if you’re going deep with vulnerability and authenticity to form solid relationship skills and a deeper connection in your marriage.

We all know the words, “I’m sorry.” Anyone can say them and we’re taught to say them from an early age when it comes to making right someone we’ve wronged. Yet why is it that these words do not always heal our pain? Why is that sometimes when someone apologizes it ends up actually pissing us off more?

Judgement. It’s everywhere and in every realm and phase of life. We worry about it or we do it (one of the two) even when we don’t mean to. Sometimes out of a bad habit that’s been around awhile, and sometimes on purpose. And whether you’ve worked on it or not, have a reason for it (that you’ve convinced yourself of) or don’t, it’s there.

Judgement. It’s everywhere and in every realm and phase of life. We worry about it or we do it (one of the two) even when we don’t mean to. Sometimes out of a bad habit that’s been around awhile, and sometimes on purpose. And whether you’ve worked on it or not, have a reason for it (that you’ve convinced yourself of) or don’t, it’s there.

We’re home, we’re stuck and “shelter in place” has gone from the stage of disbelief and enchantment to the now anger and sadness of loss, disruption and frustration. So similar to the ways and stages of grief that’ve been so articulately described in so many other online articles. Things feel difficult, sluggish, messy and people are getting on one another’s last damn nerve at this point.

The other day, I decided to hop onto Brené Brown’s new podcast, “Unlocking Us.” I’ve studied her work for quite some time since become a Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator in 2015 under her organization, The Daring Way™. Many of my clients have talked about listening to her podcast and finding it helpful during quarantine. Anything that brings comfort, peace, humor, bits of joy, I’m all for right about now.

Many couples struggle with sex in some way at some point in their marriage. Sometimes, these issues can creep up out of seemingly nowhere and leave the same way as well. Other times, and more likely, sex becomes something we avoid, dread, or otherwise become numb to over a period of time. It can feel much more like just another duty versus an actual desire or want that you have, only existing to satisfy your partner.

How is it that in a partnership, two people can walk away from one conversation feeling so utterly different on the spectrum of connection and shame? Vulnerability and sharing our feelings is supposed to connect us, I mean, therapists (such as myself) push transparency like the new drug that’ll take you places you’ve never been. So how is it then that sharing something so vulnerable, so change-making for one person can take their partner into a shame spiral for days?

Using times and experiences in your life, even if they were moments, to show and illustrate what you need instead of waiting to have big conversations around what you need and why you need it can totally change the vibe, comfort level and confidence you carry with you into all parts of your world.

One of the topics that has come up more frequently in the past few years has been surrounding a sexual molestation in our family, and the stand we’ve taken. And we haven’t always taken the same stand. Those of you reading this who have experienced sexual abuse or trauma can understand easily that sometimes the stand you want to take isn’t supported. Sometimes you stand alone.

And then, one swipe up with a finger pops a picture of an event that many, many of the women I know were at over the weekend. Leaned over my shoulder, my daughter turns her head from my screen and looks at my face. “Mom, were you there?” No, I wasn’t. It’s not that I missed the photo op, it’s that I wasn’t there at all. “I’m sorry. Are you mad?”

Because we’ve all been the victim of the social media ding. The thing you weren’t invited to, someone’s better vacation, someone’s more meaningful picture with their kid. A prettier place, a more fun party, you name it. If we’re looking, even if we’re just glancing, there’s always an opportunity to feel less-than, online. “Comparison is the thief of joy”, said someone smart.

I don’t always know where to point the camera. What is “worthy” enough to be shot or whether the images will come out remotely close to the beauty my eyes see. I keep picking up the camera to capture the world this way, with its vast beauty. I want to remember every moment so I can stop time a little bit, so I can share a story of a setting, a laugh, a memory.

The rise in people disclosing struggles with mental illness has risen, as has the devastating rate of suicide, which is the highest it’s ever been. Something tells me that while we’re talking more about mental illness and the signs of depression, addiction, and suicide than we ever have, there’s a large number of us struggling with unnamed emotions and personal distress that doesn’t fit into a category, crisis, or addiction—and with no where to turn.

How often have you heard, or even said, “you really need to take care of yourself,” without knowing what that truly means? When we think of self care, most of the time we think of things like massages and manicures, spending time on a beach reading a book or even having a few hours to ourselves. But let’s face it, there are so many things that get in the way.

Now’s the time to take what you know of your life and of your family, and start taking charge in making it work for you. At the same time, it’s also a time where there’s a lot we don’t know. So use what you’ve got and what you want to layout your vision of home. But most importantly, be flexible and remind yourself that these are unprecedented times in our lives.