LESSON THREE EXERCISE: IDENTIFYING YOUR "IF...THEN"

This exercise is meant to challenge your ego and your beliefs about connection and closeness with your spouse. Think about “If, Then.” We can usually find our egos lying somewhere in any “if, then” statement when it comes to our relationship. “If my husband would just (fill in the blank), then I could (fill in the blank).” 

What’s more damaging however is that these statements and conversations around what you’re “if, then”-ing about often happen inside our heads and don’t leave our mental space. We walk around thinking about them but we don’t actually say them (most of the time) or if we do, they’re in the heat of an argument where their meaning becomes a jab instead of a kind request. 

What would it look like if these statements were more like requests?  What might you feel if you took away your “if, then” statements and instead said and did the things you wanted and needed to in order to have a more connected, close and honest relationship with your spouse? 

The truth is we can wait for our spouses to read our minds, but in the meantime, we’re moving further and further away from what we want to feel and only continuing to convince ourselves that we have reason for feeling this way. 

Conscious Partnering
The shields I walk around with are many. They protect me but they also keep me from connecting with you. Because I’ve been focused on my hurt and my pain, I may have been unable to see yours. There is room for both and all. I will work on seeing you and coming out of my head with my conversations.