LESSON TWO: WHAT DO YOU WISH?

When we were younger our lives may have looked so differently than they do now. Based on Module One, you should have a pretty good idea of the kinds of expectations you brought into the marriage prior to the marriage. The previous lesson you just finished gave you a pretty clear picture of where it stands now and where you want it to go. 

As children we’re amazing at dreaming. Day-dreaming, pretend play, and creativity in one way, shape or form at some point flowed so easily through you. As an adult, that imagination can be difficult to get in touch with. But the part of us that wishes is still in there.

Wishing can sometimes go hand-in-hand with our expectations but wishes are more futuristic and less past-based.  They're also more optimistic as well. When we wish, we’re dreaming of change in the future. When we’re disappointed it’s because something present isn’t meeting an expectation we had in the past. 

But wishing is vital in a marriage. Wishing is hope. Wishing is what’s actually at the end of your map. It’s where X marks the spot.

If you've been in a place of wishing and hoping then this next exercise might flow right out of your mind pretty easily. But, if you've numbed out, tuned out or have been so betrayed you no longer know what you'd wish for from your partner, you might need to take some extra time to get to the wishing.

For some men and women, you may find that wishing is dangerous because it allows you to become hopeful. While there's an argument against hope (if we don't have hope then we can't get hurt) there's an even stronger one for it. If we don't have hope then what is it that will push us into courageously being vulnerable? What will push us to lean into our partners when we want to pull away?

 If you're in a space where hope is hard to come by and wishing seems out of reach, wish for small openings. Small, slight, noticeable opening are like cracks that allow light to get through. Those, no matter where you're at, are possible. That light that gets in, that's the light that's going to grow.

We're taking time right now to get into our day-dreaming and wishing (or wishful thinking) mind for yourself and for your marriage.