You can’t save me from myself
No amount of compliments, affirmations or reassurances can rescue a person from their own self-destructive story. We’re programmed by our experiences and our biology combined and wired so deeply that while flooding someone with positivity may feel like the right thing to do as a quick pick-me-up, it’s like being thirsty and taking a shower instead of drinking a glass of water. Some of the water might get in, but not enough to rid the thirst. It feels good in the moment, but does nothing for our sense of self as adults.
In a partnership, we often look to our partners for reassurance. But our seeking didn’t start with needing validation from our partners and unless our story’s been examined by ourselves, the seeking doesn’t stop with our current partner. We continue to seek because we feel a void we think is someone else’s job to fill. We’re convinced that if we’re given enough love, shown enough care, that’ll be all it takes, just for them to prove it. But you can’t get from someone what you can’t give to yourself. This becomes a faulty sense of security, and leads down a spiral of negative interactions with others. These are the interactions that reinforce the exact thing we’re fighting against and for at the same time: love. And the conflicts, the confusion, the lack of self-love can also manage to take down our partners at the same time.
As human beings, we need relationships, we need connection, deep, meaningful connection, in order to grow. But we need it with ourselves just as much as we need it with our partners. Our partners are mirrors. Reflecting to us what we see in ourselves. You’re not worthy of loving connection? This is what you’ll see your partner giving you. If you believe it, you’ll accept it as truth. Yet if you don’t, and you know your worth, and you love yourself, you’ll do one of two things: see the message differently, or choose to reject the message that does not fall in line with who you believe your “self” to be. Yet this is all difficult to notice, especially if you’re not aware of your own limitations and personal faults, which we all have.
Why does the story about yourself matter to the world? Because that’s the cycle of information you put into yourself and therefore the lens in which you think everyone sees you. Cycles create emotion, and emotion creates energy.
What energy are you feeding yourself?
What energy are you feeding your partner?
And what energy are you feeding the world?
