“Vulnerability” and “authenticity” have officially become buzzwords. Yet just because they’re popular doesn’t mean they’re showing up in your relationship automatically. Here are 10 ways to tell if you’re going deep with vulnerability and authenticity to form solid relationship skills and a deeper connection in your marriage.

Judgement. It’s everywhere and in every realm and phase of life. We worry about it or we do it (one of the two) even when we don’t mean to. Sometimes out of a bad habit that’s been around awhile, and sometimes on purpose. And whether you’ve worked on it or not, have a reason for it (that you’ve convinced yourself of) or don’t, it’s there.

The other day, I decided to hop onto Brené Brown’s new podcast, “Unlocking Us.” I’ve studied her work for quite some time since become a Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator in 2015 under her organization, The Daring Way™. Many of my clients have talked about listening to her podcast and finding it helpful during quarantine. Anything that brings comfort, peace, humor, bits of joy, I’m all for right about now.

Using times and experiences in your life, even if they were moments, to show and illustrate what you need instead of waiting to have big conversations around what you need and why you need it can totally change the vibe, comfort level and confidence you carry with you into all parts of your world.

One of the topics that has come up more frequently in the past few years has been surrounding a sexual molestation in our family, and the stand we’ve taken. And we haven’t always taken the same stand. Those of you reading this who have experienced sexual abuse or trauma can understand easily that sometimes the stand you want to take isn’t supported. Sometimes you stand alone.

Because we’ve all been the victim of the social media ding. The thing you weren’t invited to, someone’s better vacation, someone’s more meaningful picture with their kid. A prettier place, a more fun party, you name it. If we’re looking, even if we’re just glancing, there’s always an opportunity to feel less-than, online. “Comparison is the thief of joy”, said someone smart.

No amount of compliments, affirmations or reassurances can rescue a person from their own self-destructive story. We’re programmed by our experiences and our biology combined and wired so deeply that while flooding someone with positivity may feel like the right thing to do as a quick pick-me-up, it’s like being thirsty and taking a shower instead of drinking a glass of water.

The “law of attraction,” “manifesting,” “the universe”. They all play a role in the energy, experiences and relationships you create and attract in this world. Yet the ways in which we relate to all people and things is also incredibly influenced by the way we’re wired to see them, aka our attachment style. So how do you know which one really has your back?