One of the topics that has come up more frequently in the past few years has been surrounding a sexual molestation in our family, and the stand we’ve taken. And we haven’t always taken the same stand. Those of you reading this who have experienced sexual abuse or trauma can understand easily that sometimes the stand you want to take isn’t supported. Sometimes you stand alone.

And then, one swipe up with a finger pops a picture of an event that many, many of the women I know were at over the weekend. Leaned over my shoulder, my daughter turns her head from my screen and looks at my face. “Mom, were you there?” No, I wasn’t. It’s not that I missed the photo op, it’s that I wasn’t there at all. “I’m sorry. Are you mad?”

Because we’ve all been the victim of the social media ding. The thing you weren’t invited to, someone’s better vacation, someone’s more meaningful picture with their kid. A prettier place, a more fun party, you name it. If we’re looking, even if we’re just glancing, there’s always an opportunity to feel less-than, online. “Comparison is the thief of joy”, said someone smart.

I don’t always know where to point the camera. What is “worthy” enough to be shot or whether the images will come out remotely close to the beauty my eyes see. I keep picking up the camera to capture the world this way, with its vast beauty. I want to remember every moment so I can stop time a little bit, so I can share a story of a setting, a laugh, a memory.

The rise in people disclosing struggles with mental illness has risen, as has the devastating rate of suicide, which is the highest it’s ever been. Something tells me that while we’re talking more about mental illness and the signs of depression, addiction, and suicide than we ever have, there’s a large number of us struggling with unnamed emotions and personal distress that doesn’t fit into a category, crisis, or addiction—and with no where to turn.

How often have you heard, or even said, “you really need to take care of yourself,” without knowing what that truly means? When we think of self care, most of the time we think of things like massages and manicures, spending time on a beach reading a book or even having a few hours to ourselves. But let’s face it, there are so many things that get in the way.

Now’s the time to take what you know of your life and of your family, and start taking charge in making it work for you. At the same time, it’s also a time where there’s a lot we don’t know. So use what you’ve got and what you want to layout your vision of home. But most importantly, be flexible and remind yourself that these are unprecedented times in our lives.

No amount of compliments, affirmations or reassurances can rescue a person from their own self-destructive story. We’re programmed by our experiences and our biology combined and wired so deeply that while flooding someone with positivity may feel like the right thing to do as a quick pick-me-up, it’s like being thirsty and taking a shower instead of drinking a glass of water.

There’s really no way around emotion. We all have it, just as we all have thoughts and behaviors. Some of us are wired to think more logically, from our heads and some of us more emotionally, from our hearts. While logic and emotion often end up in conversation with one another, either one of these things can stand on their own. Yet emotion is often questioned, doubted or put aside for fear of logic proving itself to be right.

To me, Mother’s Day is a celebration of any woman, anywhere who cares or has cared for a single soul. Whether it be hers or someone else’s, it’s a day important enough to stand out. Yet inevitably, any time I talk to other women about Mother’s Day, come the stories of husbands everywhere who either don’t believe in celebrating this day for or with their wives or just don’t put in the effort.

Towns have been both damaged and brought together and people who’ve lost their voices or have been silenced are now being heard as opinions start forming and platforms are lifted. There is much to talk about and much to be said and yet for many white people right now, there’s deep confusion, feelings of displacement and a new shame we’ve not felt before.

The ego is an impressive entity. With it comes a lifelong relationship we have with our identity, our shame, our doubt and our judgement. This sneaky little sucker is like the epitome of the worst party crasher. It shows up uninvited, never bringing anything, only taking.

Our shadows, in the context of shadow work, is the space occupied by our subconscious or unconscious self, the part of us that we often don’t want to be just flying around, out there in the public eye. It’s the part of us that we will do pretty much whatever we need to do in order to keep under wraps, under control and certainly holding a tight grip on.

When it comes to self-awareness, identifying what you’re feeling can be just the start. Understanding how you got there can take you on a path to growth.