No amount of compliments, affirmations or reassurances can rescue a person from their own self-destructive story. We’re programmed by our experiences and our biology combined and wired so deeply that while flooding someone with positivity may feel like the right thing to do as a quick pick-me-up, it’s like being thirsty and taking a shower instead of drinking a glass of water.

There’s really no way around emotion. We all have it, just as we all have thoughts and behaviors. Some of us are wired to think more logically, from our heads and some of us more emotionally, from our hearts. While logic and emotion often end up in conversation with one another, either one of these things can stand on their own. Yet emotion is often questioned, doubted or put aside for fear of logic proving itself to be right.

To me, Mother’s Day is a celebration of any woman, anywhere who cares or has cared for a single soul. Whether it be hers or someone else’s, it’s a day important enough to stand out. Yet inevitably, any time I talk to other women about Mother’s Day, come the stories of husbands everywhere who either don’t believe in celebrating this day for or with their wives or just don’t put in the effort.

Towns have been both damaged and brought together and people who’ve lost their voices or have been silenced are now being heard as opinions start forming and platforms are lifted. There is much to talk about and much to be said and yet for many white people right now, there’s deep confusion, feelings of displacement and a new shame we’ve not felt before.

The ego is an impressive entity. With it comes a lifelong relationship we have with our identity, our shame, our doubt and our judgement. This sneaky little sucker is like the epitome of the worst party crasher. It shows up uninvited, never bringing anything, only taking.

Sometimes it’s not enough to simply “be aware” of our emotional experience, or of our thoughts. We need to be able to honor these, instead of noticing or even justifying them (these are two different things). Next time you’re in a self-reflective space, challenge yourself to expand, to grow a little bit more by finding and holding one additional truth in your head and heart space.

When you’re ready to dive in and find your most authentic self AND THEN continue that growth, taking your new found self and bringing it into a partnership, that’s a BIG deal. It’s an incredibly powerful process with a lot of empowerment behind it but not without the hard and sometimes heart-breaking work of dismantling old stories, beliefs, and attachment styles and getting to know yourself and your partner in a whole new way.

Our shadows, in the context of shadow work, is the space occupied by our subconscious or unconscious self, the part of us that we often don’t want to be just flying around, out there in the public eye. It’s the part of us that we will do pretty much whatever we need to do in order to keep under wraps, under control and certainly holding a tight grip on.

The “law of attraction,” “manifesting,” “the universe”. They all play a role in the energy, experiences and relationships you create and attract in this world. Yet the ways in which we relate to all people and things is also incredibly influenced by the way we’re wired to see them, aka our attachment style. So how do you know which one really has your back?

When it comes to self-awareness, identifying what you’re feeling can be just the start. Understanding how you got there can take you on a path to growth.